1) The Behaviour/Inclusion Manager
Usually a woman of about 50. She’s an ex or current smoker so has a gravelly voice that’s on the loud to booming side. She has a local accent and knows all the naughty kids, including their parents and grandparents as she’s been at the school long enough. They behave for her due to the latter and also because she’s different to every other teacher in the school. She wears slightly masculine clothes and/or has her collar up.
2) The over friendly LSA (Learning Support Assistant)
See behaviour manager as can be similar. Talks to pupils throughout your lesson about their dead pet dog/last night’s EastEnders and tells you what the class are normally like and individual students in detail while you’re trying to set the work/teach them.
3) The Welsh P.E teacher
He’s young, semi-attractive and looks a bit like a rugby player. Not very intelligent. Always in the staff room. May have edgy facial hair. Down with the kids. Loved by most members of staff: women, because there’s a dire shortage of male eye candy so he’s a 10/10 in this environment. Men, because he can talk about any sport.
4) The po-faced, weary female teacher
Of uncertain subject but often maths and sometimes English. Hates her job and herself. Moans about students at break and lunchtime using individual names hoping someone else will say they also find that student hard to deal with. Would benefit from a good spa day.
5) The jolly ‘I’ve been at this school for years and will still be here in years to come’ male teacher
Again no fixed subject but let’s say geography or science. Grey hair, affable.. Has been teaching in the same way for 18 years and doesn’t like change. Wife may also work at the school in which case they will sit in same staff room seats and drink/eat same things at same time. Always has a packed lunch.
6) The young Senior Management
Wears a suit, carries a walkie-talkie may even be wearing high vis and never sits down. Will always be smiling and will say hello to supply teachers. Never see them eating or drinking. Talks in acronyms.
7) The Headteacher
Two types: elusive or stealthy (you either never see them or they creep up on you and you think they’re just some jolly type see number 5)